Abysmal Peppermint Cookies

I felt compelled to whip up something simple and special for the afternoon company. Having made this throw-together successfully a couple of weeks previously, it all began harmlessly enough…


Organic flaked coconut
Maple syrup
Peppermint extract 
Coconut oil


Add flaked coconut and maple syrup into food processor.
Search for required peppermint extract.
If lost in the depths of your spice cupboard, improvise.
Pour in a strong rose extract instead.

When you pour in too much rose extract, find the (organic) vanilla extract and add generously, to counteract the unusual flavour.

It doesn’t.

Pour in another desperate dollop of Maple Syrup. Try to pulse.
If nothing moves in your food processor, you may well have splintered the Julia Child time/space continuum. Look for coconut oil to mend the breach… Besides, it’s an actual part of the recipe. 

If you now discover you don’t have any coconut oil, grab a banana, peel it, eat half, and throw the other half into food processor… along with “what the heck”… organic peanut butter and tahini… more substance should help.

Pulse again.

Grind. Stop. Taste. Needs peppermint like the recipe says.

Search and successfully recover the elusive peppermint extract hidden in the back of the cupboard under 5 unknown and unopened paprika packages.

Add 2 tsp peppermint extract into the cookie dough. Pulse again.
Open food processor lid.
Taste before losing nerve.
When your esophagus burns, drink a cold glass of water.
You discover cold water cruelly intensifies peppermint burn. On the pain scale of 1 – 10 your esophagus screams 2,000,000.

Google Search promises no permanent esophageal damage. 

Reread recipe and discover it only needed 2 drops of peppermint extract. 
When oven comes to baking temperature and beeps mockingly, reach into spice cupboard for… anything – anything else to try mask the peppermint carnage.

Cinnamon to the rescue. Shake gently into food processor, ignoring the excessive amount that spills out.


Cookie dough still isn’t quite right.

Salt. Salt should help.

It doesn’t.

Search another cupboard for the dwindling bag of ancient raisins.

Throw in a bunch.

Resist the urge to throw out cookie dough, or yourself into the pulser.

Add more stale raisins.

Because you can’t find the Nicholas Cage’s Face cookie cutters, form into golf ball shapes instead.

Place cookie balls onto a parchment covered cookie sheet.

They still look pretty lame.

Put a cherry on the top of each cookie – for distraction purposes only.
Bake for about 20 minutes.

Cool on the pan to firm up. Serve.

If no one can choke these babies down… regift cookies as car air fresheners, or deer/raccoon repellent. 

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